Ultimately Awaited Demise
by Nneriamux4ever
Summary: How pathetic can you be to attempt suicide and survive? Maika believes she's the worst for such. An evening with Hio, contemplating life and the things she's done, would eventually give her the courage to decide to stand in the borderline between life and death. Depressive/Suicide/HIOMAIKA. Maika's PoV. Somewhat based on "The Things I deserve" by GHOST and a little rant. ONESHOT.


**DISCLAIMER: All Vocaloids mentioned in the story belong to their respective owners and companies. Mentioned some parts of the song "The Things I deserve" by GHOST.**

 _ **Ultimately Awaited Demise**_

The wind blew softly in an evergreen side of the road, slightly distant from the city. A train road spread about from the City station to wherever its destination unfurled.  
A blueish purple seemed the clouds to be, splattered across the orange canvas of the never-ending sky, the sun's time of living appearing to be shorter as time passed on, the orange tainted with faded lavender.  
It was quite a lovely sight to whoever would be happening to wander about.

Yet the loveliest sight to me would be the blonde tall boy in black with yellow jacket and leather pants, lying down in the grass whose crimson ruby eyes lied shut, softly napping beside me.  
Such sight was something I did not deserve.  
He was someone that needed better.  
And he knew that.  
But he would never accept it.

...which in a way warmed up my heart.  
He's a gentleman stuck with nothing but trash.

Keeping my gaze on him, I reached a hand to his face so I could gently brush some of his hair away behind his ear.  
Yohio Lloyd PowerFX,  
Why must you be so enchanting?  
I know for certain that you'd be much happier with someone more like you.  
But, why must you be so blind?  
I'm worthless.  
I don't deserve your love, your care, your joy.

I sighed and glanced up into the beauty of sky. I could feel my white hair moving against my back, which kind of tickled. I do still wonder why I keep my purple gradiant to hot pink curls so long, yet that by my backhead and neck can barely reach slightly past my shoulders.  
My parents, Bruno and Clara, always thought it was a problem, and I knew that as well. But it's still worth trying to keep.

Worthiness... what in this world is?  
Not me, for certain.  
Are people worthy of living? Am I?  
The only one I think that truly deserves a happy life is Yohio.  
... a life that didn't include myself.  
A self-conscious, problematic, waste of an existence.

"Maika, never let fear of failing stop you from doing what you want." My big sister Ona would often say when we were back in Spain.  
"But what if I actually fail?" Was my reply.  
She'd laugh, "Then you decide how to react to that failure and find your way back."

One is going to fail a lot, you just don't success like that, I know...  
But what if you've failed on life?  
How can you take that easily?  
I bet Hio would say, "You just try again. What do you do when there's a Game Over? Keep on going with your remaining lives. Don't let a downfall be your ending. Raise again."

In other words, don't let anything get you down.  
... but what if I do deserve it?

On that moment, anything would seem better than living. Would that be the right decision? Life... truly didn't look very promising. The wind stopped blowing, the silence of the camp ever so serene. I placed a hand on my waist to feel a bandage through my shirt.  
Some days ago I had to go to the hospital due to an... accident.  
Self inflicted accident, you could say.  
I stabbed myself, hoping to end my misery. Shoving the knife into my stomach, a frightened Yohio pulled it out before I could make anymore harm to myself.

Lame, isn't it? To survive an attempted suicide.

How pathetic can you be to not even be able to kill yourself?  
Well, that was me.  
A rather harsh giggle forced its way out of my mouth, somehow finding comedy in my tragically idiotic existence. Then faded off into the sunset as I looked back at the peacefully slumbering boy.  
I leaned in and gently placed my lips on his, moaning rather sadly. He's so soft. I'm going to miss him for sure. The only one that isn't from my family that truly loved and cared for me.

I wanted to drag him with me.  
But that was too selfish... to take his life from him so we could end our bonds together. After all, I'm sure that, deep inside of him he knew that he could easily let me go.  
He's got his whole life ahead of him. I'm sure he's going to be magnificent. With kids, a loving wife...  
...one that wasn't me.  
Who would even love me? That's a cruel joke.  
To think that I could ever be someone.  
Maybe that's for better, that I am no one.  
If I had the world in the palm of my hands, everything would be destroyed.  
This is what I get for walking away unharmed

If anything I'm a monster... I deserve death and punishment.  
Some time ago, I might have messed a bit too much with these two kids, Hibiki Lui and Suzune Ring.  
Or as me and my friends call them; the Boxloids.  
Why? Well these teenagers are quite poor and nearly all they have, besides their clothes and each other, is a medium sized, beaten up and somewhat thrashed cardboard box.

My friends and I like to mess around town occasionally. Luka, Lily, Wil, Flower and I mostly. Kyo and SeeU aren't very fond of that.  
Once, the morning after a party, we stumbled by the Boxloids. They casually live in a messy abandoned yard across the street in front of Luka's house, with a rocky cliff and some trees that lead onto the forest.  
We decided to have a little fun with them.

Long story short, Lui ended up with some fractured ribs and Ring with a broken arm and coughing blood.  
...yeah we're not very liked around the place. Yohio, especially, hates whenever I'm with them.

Speaking of the blonde English boy, that day he appeared with his friends. Kokone, a brunette that's way too obsessed with nature, she works as a lifeguard at the beach and always carries this ear-bleeding whistle. Or as she calls it, her "Whistle of Justice".  
Kanon, a girl in long haired orange-ish brown hair that tends to wear it up in a ponytail, responsible, nice unless she becomes annoying with her attempts to stop entropy and chaos from happening.  
Anon, Kanon's twin and younger sister, she's got short hair and is actually more fun than Kanon, having an actual sense of humor unlike her nerd of a sister, but still a pain in the ass to deal with, like the others.

Yohio, or Sparkly Boy as I like to call him, along with them, decided to put an end to Ring and Lui's caroussel of pain. And we got into an argument.  
In the end, the Goody-Two-Shoes squad got the kids an ambulance.

But last week, I was pretty annoyed after arguing once again with Yohio, so I decided to walk back to my home alone in the middle of a storm. I didn't care at all if my hair or my outfit got soaked in the rain. I had this restrained anger inside of me, and when I'm angry, I'm as bad as a bull blinded in fury.  
The route I took however, lead me to pass by Ring and Lui's box. As I expected, they were huddled up together, trying to keep warmth.

I felt something snap inside me so I went up to them. Talking a bit, I had no idea what I was doing, but I needed to take out my anger. So I tricked Lui into believing I was sorry for hurting them the last time I saw them.  
Naive little boy and his friend thought I was being sincere, but then I could feel the demon inside of me take control of my conscious and kicked their box over, taking both to beat them up.  
I ended up throwing them and their box down the ledge of the rocky cliffside. And that had been the last I heard of them so far.

And that's not the worse I've done.

There's a weapon shop in town, run by Cul and Miriam. I've bought a couple of things there without my family knowing. One being an axe, the other a flamethrower, which I keep in a closet at our home's garage.  
There was this time some loli brats got pissed off at us during another party. One of them being Akita Neru, a cellphone addict child, that decided to especially taunt me via printing Yohio's phone number and pasting flyers of it everywhere that said we had broken up. Even sent this jerk called Galaco to flirt with him.  
I got very angry.  
Needless I am to say, a flamethrower muzzle can fit anywhere. Even inside the smallest of teenager's insides.  
And there's absolutely nothing more satisfying than seeing their dying expression of utter pain when you set it on.  
But it's even better when police can't catch you.

...Now you see why I don't deserve to live?  
That's among the reasons.  
I'm a terrible person.

Yohio tries to tell me otherwise, that I can change my ways of dealing with stuff and people, he even got the number of a therapist so I could start seeing them.  
But the only solution, the only way out is to end my life.  
The source of misery is infused in flesh and bone.  
And all these horrid mistakes from deep within will be erased on the train tracks.

Having been sitting down on the grass that whole time, I pulled away from the tender kiss and stood up to my feet, stretching as a groan escaped my lips. I believe Yohio shuffled and grumbled lightly once I pulled away. He was probably going to wake up and I had to make my move as soon as I could.  
Thankfully, the field's silence got disrupted by the distant whistle of a rapidly speeding train and I knew that was my chance.  
Swiftly, I started walking up to the road. The sun in the sky nearly about to hide as it lowered. It was warm, not hot, not cold, just the perfect temperature.

The perfect evening to die.  
As the whistle got louder, I heard Yohio start to move and shift in the spot he had been napping at, his usually calm voice sounding startled and fearful.

"M-Maika?!", I walked up into the metal and wooden bars that sit through all seasons, then turned to head the front of the incoming train.  
He stumbled up to his feet and screamed, "Maika! Maika Voctro! W-What the fuck do you think you're doing?!"  
He began sprinting towards me. The train conductor was pressing the whistle frantically for me to get out the way.  
I kept my cool and brushed some hair away from my hot pink eyes. This could finally be the day.

The day I had been waiting for all my life.  
However, never had I thought it would all end with myself being torn to shreds right in front of my boyfriend's eyes.

"MAIKA!"

Here it comes.  
The climax of the problem, what we've been waiting for.  
When the train was close that I could reach out to grasp, I turned and genuinely smiled at Yohio, whom I could see had tears streaming down his eyes.  
"Thank you for making me happy. I love you..."

His expression turned to extreme sadness and disbelief at hearing that from me as he screamed his lungs out.  
Time got paralyzed, the world losing all its color as it stopped turning. My numbers had gone to waste. Don't look, don't think and go, just do it on your own.  
The last thing I felt was a crashing hurtful metallic ram that stopped nearly as soon as it began.

Fearlessly feeling the sweetly dark embrace of death, the pain was finally gone.  
Ironically enough, karma had come to collect my debt, with the collector being none other but myself.  
Absolute frustration the lead of my fate, a scavenger hunt for my demise.

Through the fog and the fire, in the end I collided with my biggest desire.  
But I always knew that my path had turned to darkness from the moment I struck down my hand on the ones that need mercy.  
I guess you can say,  
I got what I deserved.


End file.
